Sunday, March 23, 2008

Say It Ain't So, Junior

(from Tuesday, March 18)

In a complete shocker, Marty managed to show no noticeable bias when reporting a piece of news that may have political implications for years to come.

South Africa, take a deep breath. The cavalry is coming. Condoleezza Rice has tapped Ken Griffey Jr. to lead a promotional tour that will presumably bring baseball and American values to the southern tip of the dark continent, a place where not too long ago a black man with a bat in his hands might as well have been asking to be shot.

Sounds like a relatively non-partisan endeavor and Griffey Jr. is a natural diplomat.

Of course, there is no such thing as an appointment from the Bush administration that doesn’t result from nepotism or cronyism. Brace yourself for the ugly truth: Ken Griffey Jr. plays golf with George Bush’s brother, Jeb Bush, the former governor and vote thief of Florida, a man who systematically disenfranchised tens of thousands of black voters in the 2000 election. The only way Jeb Bush should be on a golf course with Junior is as his caddy, but alas Jeb and Junior are apparently good pals. As Marty reported, Griffey good-naturedly asked Jeb if he’d have a job for him in his administration when he’s president. In turn, the ever-jocular Jeb asked for a gig in a Griffey administration – which we can only hope is a more likely scenario. One more Bush in charge and this little experiment in democracy will be effectively over.

Of course, it should never be a shock when anyone worth over $100 million goes to the dark side. But Junior? I though you were better than that.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Marty Hearts Kent Mercker

Marty was extremely well-behaved during today’s match-up versus the Tigers, making no overt political comments. It should, however, be noted that at end of the game he once again waxed on his man crush for Kent Mercker, the Reds’ 40 year-old journeyman reliever: “I’m a big fan of this guy. I think he helps a club in so many ways other than the ability to get people out.” Presumably he was not referring to Mercker's well known ability to score human growth hormone.

Mercker, of course, is one of the most active Republicans in the Reds clubhouse. When George Bush threw out the first pitch of the 2006 opener, dooming the Reds to another losing season, reported, “Bush greeted Reds pitcher Kent Mercker, who hails from the Columbus, Ohio area, by saying, ‘This is your territory.’ Mercker then retrieved a Bush-Cheney cap from his locker. ‘I was going to wear this hat, but it didn't match,’ said Mercker to Bush.”

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Marty Lives Large with Rupert Murdoch

Marty's been off all week, but he's back in the booth today for an epic battle against the Philadelphia Phillies. They're barely into the second inning when Thom baits his dad, "You’ve been living large because you have your Sunday New York Post ..."

To which Marty responds, "And again it’s not that liberal rag The New York Times. You will never see me buy that paper. Ever."

Thom innocently says, "If I’m not mistaken The New York Post is owned by Fox News Corp."

Thom, of course, is well aware that the mere mention of Fox makes Marty salivate and like Pavlov's dog, Marty does not disappoint: "Rupert Murdoch. All over it. I’ve been too busy reading up about your friend Elliott Spitzer."

Of course, as previously mentioned, it was the liberal rag The New York Times that broke the Spitzer story ...

An inning or so later, Marty asks about a conversation from yesterday's broadcast involving a tale of drunken beaver hunting on Jeff "The Cowboy" Brantley's farm. (Brantley is another Reds broadcaster and former major league pitcher.) Thom says, "I was very disturbed about it and basically I tuned out ... You might read about it if you keep flipping through that Post." Marty thinks that might not be such a bad idea: "They have all the stuff in there. Big headline: Elliott's Gal a Shared Asset."

Sunday, March 9, 2008

What Marty Reads

When you're a Republican, it can be difficult to keep the lies straight. Rest assured, Marty Brennaman has it all figured out. He's dialed in to a strict regiment that insures his narrow views of the world are affirmed on a daily basis.

As the Reds battled the Rays today, Marty and his son Thom were discussing just how vicious the New York tabloids can be. Thom said, more as a statement than a question, "You read that trash every day."

To which Marty replied, "I read it every day, religiously. The Daily News and The New York Post. I’m all over it. I can tell you one thing … [taking a moment for some play by play] you won’t catch me reading that liberal rag The New York Times. You can book that."

[ed. note One day later The New York Times would break the news that the Democratic governor of New York has been using a high class prostitute ring, effectively ending his political career. I wonder if Marty read about it? I wonder if he was as up in arms with their coverage as he was when they reported John McCain's messy personal, entanglements with a female lobbyist ... We'll soon find out the next time the Reds are on the radio.]